So you really want to know how to stop jealousy from ruining your relationship?
I completely understand your dilemma – I too wish I knew how to stop jealousy before it became a problem in my life.But the past is the past, and today jealousy plays no part in my relationship. No part whatsoever.
So yes, you can indeed stop jealousy from being a problem in your relationship. You too can have a relationship that is completely free of jealousy.
How much more happier would you be if jealousy was no longer a part of your relationship? A lot!
Stopping or controlling jealousy is only difficult if you have no idea what to do. Just like most other problems, the solution is not that difficult once you know what the key to resolving it is.
How To Stop Jealousy – What is Important
Jealousy is of course a normal human emotion. Being jealous does not mean there is anything wrong with you. What is important is how the jealousy feelings come about and how they are dealt with.
Because, here is the key secret to stop or control jealousy:
Understanding That Jealousy Is Just a Symptom of Something Else
Once you understand this fully, then it does not become so overwhelming. You will shift into problem solving mode and be immediately driven to finding solutions to stopping the jealousy.
So how do you find out what this something else is? It’s not as difficult as it may seem really.
How To Stop Jealousy Before It Happens – Key Steps
Stopping jealousy from becoming a part of your relationship has to be done in a context where you understand what it is about. If you subscribe to the notion that it is about your partner’s behavior or it’s some character flaw, your chances of stopping jealousy from affective your life is going to be diminished.
Jealousy is really about insecurity. It is about fear. These are normal emotions to have. So here are some key steps to preventing jealousy or stopping jealousy from being a part of your relationship.
1. Realize that jealousy is really about insecurity. That insecurity generates fear. So knowing that, how do you stop jealousy even before it starts? Create an environment of trust. Building trust in your relationship is one of the most potent things you can do to thwart or stop jealousy. There are effective approaches you can take to really build trust in your relationship that protects it from jealousy.
If you build enough trust in your relationship, then you will most not likely have to worry about how to stop jealousy from ruining it.
2. Cultivate a healthy self-esteem. A low self-esteem is a breeding ground for doubt. Jealousy feeds on doubt. A low self-esteem means you see yourself in unflattering terms, probably not worthy of loyalty. If you indeed see yourself in this manner, then most likely you will tend to be suspicious of the actions of others even where there is no reason to.
Continuously cultivate your self-esteem and the question of how to stop jealousy will not be something you will have to deal with in your life.
3. Cultivate the self-esteem of your partner or spouse. No, it does not mean engaging in meaningless flattering. What it means is realizing that this person is probably the most significant person in your life and to them you are too. Getting validation from the most significant person in your life, well, the only thing that beats that is you validating yourself.
If you learn to cultivate the self-esteem of your spouse or partner, you build trust and you communicate a sense of worthiness. The how to stop jealousy question is not going to be your problem to worry about if you do this.
4. Discuss values with your spouse. What are the things that mean a lot to you in life? Ask the same of him or her. Show an interest not only because you care, but because you want to know. Just knowing will force you to think about them. How they affect your life and what they really mean. Invariably you will find yourself having more empathy towards him or her.
A high level of empathy in any relationship leads to a high level of consideration. Where there is a healthy level of consideration for each other will hardly lead to anyone indulging in actions that would lead to jealousy or undue suspicion.
How To Stop Jealousy If It is Already Manifesting
So how do you stop jealousy if it is already a part of your relationship?
At times the relationship may have become so dysfunctional that jealousy cannot help but to creep in. The whole environment is just a huge welcome mat for jealousy.
Here is where you really need a fast but comprehensive how to stop jealousy approach to the problem.
1. Your first step has to be to ask yourself the question – why the jealousy? Some people would want to believe – oh I am jealous because I love him or her so much. That is unadulterated nonsense. No one gets jealous because they love someone else too much. You are jealous because you are insecure.
Why the insecurity? Why the fear?
Whether it is your partner or yourself that is experiencing the jealousy, the question still applies – why the insecurity, what am I feeling insecure about, why am I feeling insecure about it?
Once you determine what is causing the feelings of insecurity – and this can be any number of things. But here are some good indicators – some action on the part of your spouse; low self-esteem; insufficient trust in the relationship.
Warning – You have to approach the above with complete honesty. Anything less will be a waste of you and your spouse’s time.
2. Having pinpointed what is really driving the jealousy, now you want to devise a plan and a strategy to dealing with the underlying problem. If it is low self-esteem then you will have to attack that persistently with an appropriate approach. If it is actions on the part of your partner, even if you perceive those actions wrongly, then you both can easily address what that is doing to the relationship.
You can stop jealousy from ruining your relationship once you understand what is driving it. But you cannot stop jealousy or control jealousy if you not fully understand what is behind it.
How to stop jealousy from ruining or even damaging your relationship is a question that most couples will face at least once in that relationship. As we saw from the above, how to stop jealousy is more about the question of how you cultivate an environment in which jealousy will not take root or will not strive.
The key then, is not so much to focus on how to stop jealousy, but how to cultivate an environment that does not invite jealousy in your relationship.